Even Now
by Scarlet Secret
Summary: Loving in the dark and loathing in the light is the way they were forced to live.


I have never known what it feels like to be completely innocent. For as long as I can remember I have known the fate of the person I was facing. There are some I feel sorry for, I wish that their futures could be happier but there is never anything I can do and I just forget what I know.  
  
I know too much anyway.  
  
When I was young I always knew what would become of my own family and I accepted it without a fight.  
  
A few years later I went to Hogwarts. I met so many different people and I loved it, they didn't know about my so-called gift and therefore they weren't wary of me.  
  
Then one night my cover was blown. My visions come to me differently. Sometimes when I make physical contact with another I am struck with a brief, startlingly clear image of one moment in their future. Other times I have nightmares. Violent ones that tell me riddled stories.  
  
It is painful, but I had only experienced that kind of vision once. It had shown me the white warrior defeating a black spectre. I didn't understand it then, but I do now. I wish I didn't. I wish I still lived in some parody of innocence.  
  
My story got out one night when I had a nightmare, I was thrashing and mumbling in my fitful sleep and I woke the two other first year Gryffindors.  
  
Xiomara Hooch who believed my story. She seemed to know when she held me still as I shook, what my problem was. What I suffered. Even now, years later, when we have drifted apart, she still checks on me from time to time. We have tea and talk about normalacy. She tells me of her latest conquasts and I do not touch her for fear of ruining my theory that she will live forever, vibrant and sensual.  
  
And then there was Minerva McGonagall.  
  
Xiomara told me afterwards that , even as I shook as violently as I did, Minerva was still certain that it was an act. She said I was a good actress and I would get top marks for showmanship, but that I was just trying to gain attention.  
  
I became fascinated with her from then on.  
  
She tolerated my presense throughout our first few years but she began to doubt her initial suspicions.  
  
I had another nightmare in our fifth year, this one I forget now, it was unimportant, but the event occured during the Easter holidays and Xiomara had gone home. It was left to Minerva, who didn't believe in me, to sooth me through my fits.  
  
And she did. She held me like Mara had. She held me tightly and I remember waking the following morning to find her lain on my bed, her hair thrown across the pillow in her own dreams.  
  
I can still remember, even now, the way she looked that morning. Her ebony hair was fleaming magnificently in the April sunshine. The light danced off it and the strands looked like individual pieces of silk, sprayed out on my crimson pillowcase.  
  
Her skin was light and creamy, lots of peoples skin is, but Minerva had something different, she seemed so much more pure. Her complexion complemented the rest of her perfectly and I knew if she woke, dark green eyes would meet mine.  
  
I have never known anybody else who has dark green eyes, like the colour of her now beloved emrald robes.  
  
Her body was perfect and it always has been, she was always thin, but not nearly as much as I am now. Her frame was from the exercise she got with Quidditch, my own is from near malnutrition.  
  
I didn't have the heart to wake her from her peace. I simply moved myself from the bed and dressed hurriedly. When I was ready for the day ahead I lingered behind and watched Minerva for a while.  
  
I should have felt I was intruding in her privacy, but I didn't.  
  
She had comforted me in one of my weakest moments, so I watched her be innocent in hers.  
  
I knew I couldn't stay much longer when I heard the rest of the tower begin to stir. I stood at her side and kissed her immobile lips.  
  
She didn't stir, but she smiled.  
  
Later that day I thanked her and she never mentioned it to anyone. Not until another two years later, in our last year when Mara was away again in Austria, trying out for a Quidditch team.  
  
She approached me slowly and asked me, ever so politely, if I had received any more dreams.  
  
I told her no, but she didn't leave. Not until now had it struck me as a redundant question. If anybody would know I had suffered with nightmares, it would be her, my roommate.  
  
I suppose it's just one of the things she chose to forget.  
  
I chose to forget seeing Xiomara fall hundreds of feet from her broom, her hair completely grey and spikey.  
  
I do, however, remember seeing hugging a young Molly Prewett, after she had her heart broken, and rejoicing in her future happiness.  
  
I also remember calmly making love to Minerva, feeling her perfect body and creamy skin and knowing that the screams and moans coming from her mouth would never truly escape again for many years.  
  
I knew, even at eighteen, as Minerva arched and climaxed around me that we would soon sink into a world where we hated each other, whilst we wept for what we had done in the dark.  
  
When the Head Girl slept that night I snuck out of the bed and stared for hours at the stars. Naming as many as I could to take my mind off it.  
  
I wished that, even if it had to happen, I didn't have to know.  
  
I would give all the power I posess to be forever in that one sweet moment with Minerva.  
  
We would love without care and nobody would know what was to come and that we would soon hate each other.  
  
For nowerdays we do. She hates me and I hate her for making me love her so much.  
  
After our night of passion, I ignored her completely, made her feel as though it was nothing to me. I even went to the extreme of daiting a Slytherin.  
  
For years she has loathed me, but longed for me in the dark, as I have.  
  
Then I had another fitful night, I saw the war that was coming, but not the outcome. Never the outcome.  
  
It was then that I realised the war would come and we both would have to see it through alone. I knew I couldn't do it, bu could she.? I needed her in my arms.  
  
So I ventured to her rooms and she grudgingly let me in so that I could explain myself. I did, I told her everything.  
  
At first she just commented that I was still a good actress. The she began to cry silent tears.  
  
I could never let my Minerva cry over anything, especially me.  
  
The first time she smiled for me was when I said what I've been meaning to say for half a century.  
  
"I love you."  
  
I discovered tonight that her skin is still creamy and her body sill perfect and now she is in my arms, her hair sprayed across the pillows and I didn't receive a contact vision throughout the whole time we were moving seemlessly together. This time I am determined to do it right, I will stay and hold her properly, I will take care of her like I have always wanted too and she will finally smile again.  
  
I don't know what will become of this and it is better that way.  
  
The End. 


End file.
